THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

The Circle of Life.  Things change but things stay the same.  Life is funny that way.

I have spent 30 years raising my kids, mostly as a single Mom.  Just as I reach the point in my life that most parents get to do their own thing - free to travel, be out with friends, etc - I am now my Dad's primary caregiver.  He is home bound and requires 24 hour care.  I am blessed to care for him and have this time with him, but many nights take me back 25 years. Worrying about him constantly, listening to the "Benny monitor", calming his night time fears, peeking in on him in the morning as he sleeps, cleaning him up when necessary.  One of the sweetest things is giving him his ritual evening ice cream sandwich before bed and wiping the chocolate from his fingers and mouth after he devours it.  (He loves his chocolate and has always been meticulous about clean fingers).

Honestly, sometimes I feel trapped, restricted with thoughts that "this isn't fair".  But like I have always told my kids...."Life isn't always fair".  On those days, I cry, feeling depressed and sorry for myself.  I think that's a normal feeling for any child caring for an elderly, disabled parent.  It isn't an easy task.  Those days are rare and quickly dismissed as the love and responsibility become the focus of my journey.

I believe that I am a natural caregiver.....I guess God saw to that.  I cared for my children (and continue to do so although they are grown), I cared for my patients during my 16 year dental career and now I care for my Dad.  As I spend the rest of my Dad's life caring for him, I will do so to the best of my ability, giving him 100%, maintaining his dignity that this horrible disease tries to steal, and loving him unconditionally, just as he has loved me.  
 
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
      ~Circle of Life from The Lion King